12.17.2004

Whatever happened to D?

I have a bad habit of googling (we don't have to capitalize that when we use it as a verb/gerund now, right?) people I'd never really be interested in talking to again. But for whatever reason, they fascinate me. No interest in school reunions, but this sick fantasy that there's a website out there that will not only give me the person's back story, but maybe a little video feed into what they've been doing with themself, since I left the scene.

I know it's nearly impossible that I've made an impact, but hey, one can dream. Skimming through online journals, self-serving websites and friendster profiles, just waiting to come across something that mentions me. Sick sick sick. (edited to note that at this parenthetical point, I mentioned Seth Bro and wanting to take up residence in his head sometime to figure out how to capture some of his word skill for myself. I've taken out the more flattering lines complimenting his writing - I may have used the word "magic," even - because the guy has just become SO. SLACK. in updating his website, that really, I can't compliment in present tense anymore, because who knows? He could be writing shit right now, and then one day he might put it up on his near-defunct site, you all would click over to see who this dude is, and my credibility would forever be ruined.)

So, about D. I ended the fairly immature and unimportant "us," what? 13 years ago? Yet every now and then I wonder what D is up to- Happy? Successful? Still listening to music one can only appreciate in a less than sober state? In jail? (Forgive me, D, for assuming all these years that jail seemed the most likely.) I don't remember a lot about D, but I do remember great skin. Not very smart, but at that age and not looking for much from anyone, it hardly mattered. For some reason, I assumed it would take D a long time to find someone, if ever. What a blow to these arrogant thoughts when I discovered, according to Friendster, that D now has a spouse, a very cute kid, and what appears to be a happy, active, gorgeous life out in California. Wow, good for you. A mediocre life turned fulfilling.

And I'm happy for D, but honestly? Did I really have no impact? I believe I was the only one at that point in our lives that had a problem with all the drugss and the boozes and the various other illegal activities (yes, people sure can change, can't they?). Did I perhaps plant a little seed of this-is-not-all-there-is? I know that's far from likely. But the little, Crazy Part of my brain is still waiting for my shout out.

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