5.30.2005

No idea

I've been in Palm Beach. Too much work, not enough beach, but oh it was beautiful and I can't wait to go back next year, but this time I will arrange for an extra day and a cold drink outside during daylight hours. Damn you, work! But thank you for the all-expenses-paid trip!

Being cooped up in a hotel room (right on the beach) with busy work, while listening to people laugh and de-stress outside your window, I think a little cloud gathered over my head.

I've tried to steer clear of it, but it seems that the theme of the last week seems to be taking stock of one's relationships. (Editor's note: good lord here we go again) No hard task, to identify with others in conversation who reveal they are feeling less than connected with their friends these days. I tend to be uber-conscious of the silent phone these days, and struggling to get away from the urge to just let people pass out of my life, floating along on their lack of effort. In the past seven days I have swapped stories with three different people, all of whom feel as though they are an accessory to someone's life. (Me, I had no idea Pickle had switched his moving plan half a country over. Couldn't help but feel as though that was the last straw to drive home the point that I have entered the realm of out of sight out of mind in his world. Carwin admitted in a vaguely apologetic email - after a silence of about 5 months - that that realm is where he has stowed me. As for Biff, it's been long enough that I can confidently declare I have no idea what she's up to, if she's happy, healthy, etc.)

One woman I spoke with this week topped my stories, though- she had a friend that lived in the building next door to her for about 2 years. After developing (what this woman thought was) a close friendship, she stopped by one day last month to find that her "friend" had moved. The doorman told her this. Is this reminiscent of that junior high dumping technique, where you have a friend tell your significant other that you mean to make them less so, effective immediately? Ridiculousness.


What happened to those beautiful days of basking in frequent visits, private jokes, and the natural initation of contact? Back when we could all be ignorant of the niggling paranoia that perhaps these relationships were lent their easy grace not from a personal, substantial connection, but from location, location, location? I have no idea.


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