Yasmin – Commercials for Dummies

Just a suggestion, dear prescription birth control pill . Dumb it down a bit. Because listen, that commercial you have, in black and white, with the couple walking around a downtown area, and then (I think) it starts to rain? And the Couple pulls out an umbrella? And this Other (attractive young) Woman appears and the guy from the couple turns to watch her, then yanks the umbrella away from the Original Woman to run after the Other Woman with it?

Well. For weeks now I’ve watched this commercial (it always come on during my workout) with its laughing pretty people, its weird musical montage, its not-quite-Disney animated butterfly (?) thing flying around people’s heads*, thinking “this is the weirdest damn commercial I’ve ever seen. Why is it funny that he’s taking his woman’s umbrella away and chasing after another woman right in front of her?” I interpreted the guy chasing the Other Woman with the umbrella and giving it to her as he wants to give it to her wink wink nudge nudge. So of course I’ve been very perplexed because after these shenanigans, the Original Woman gladly takes him back, they skip around in the rain and then stop in front of a cab to presumably make out (as one does). “What a doormat!” I shriek to myself, “Smack him around take that cab straight to a dating service, cuz clearly you need some help picking ‘em!”

D’oh, people, the umbrella is a condom (I smack my forehead)! And they don’t need it because they’ve got Yasmin, that odd butterfly thing, on them at all times! So it’s now okay for them to get all wet and messy (eww) without a care in the world! So they donate the umbrella to someone who needs it more (because we all appreciate the condom handoff)!

I used to take pride in my intelligence. Now I want to sit on it until it wakes up spluttering and rejoins the land of the conscious. Until then, I will be on the treadmill, trying to figure out why the Pampers babies are wearing diapers, and laughing out loud at The Golden Girls.

NOTE: I should mention that Derek
beat me to the punch with the This-Commercial-Confuses-The-Fuck-Out-Of-Me post.

*Edited to note: I have since realized that thing flying around is in no way, shape or form a butterfly.

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