Finding a balance

Sitting on the tile floor of our windowless mini-bathroom the other night, I kept the light off and opened my eyes comically wide, aiming them up towards the center of the room. As thick and still as the darkness had seemed moments earlier, it became richer and more textured, swirling the space around me into deeper and deeper blackness. Beyond your everyday lights-off dark room, this was the absolute absence of light, felt in the very core of me, mirroring some other vague missing piece that reminds me on a semi-regular basis that I am odd, too sensitive, not sensitive enough, seemingly broken beyond repair.

Monk and I had an unresolved Tense Discussion that left both of us hurting, though in all fairness (if “all fairness” means “my immature state of mind” and “to be really petty about it”), he wasn’t the one who scored less than two hours of sleep afterwards. He’s also not the one who is messed up in da head, yo, but I don’t think my problems will make very good reading today, so I will now rather obviously change the subject to something slightly more positive.

[edited to remove work-related commentary. And there was much rejoicing.]

On to the positive: I dropped a handful of money on my massage therapy tuition yesterday. Now I have to save like I’ve never saved before to come up with the very big chunk of remaining tuition in about six weeks because I’M ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH WITH THIS. Very excited about that, but a little nervous too, because it's going to be very intense and very study-study for several months, and I may do intense fairly well, but past evidence proves my ineptitude in the study-study department.

I have another good thing in the works that I said I would reveal weeks ago and then never did which is not very nice, so here it is: I haven’t smoked since October 30. Not a one, not even a puff throughout Thanksgiving celebrations, concentrated in-law time, parental visiting or Tense Discussions. I’m on my way to becoming an official Non-Smoker, and while that world seems a bit vanilla, my lungs and ageing skin will thoroughly appreciate it. And we all know that beauty and the ability to blow up many many birthday balloons in one sitting are the truly important things in life.

1 comment:

Blogger Lisa said...

Yeay YOU! COngrats on not smoking. I hear it is very, very difficult. And congrats on the new classes... When do you start the program? Can't wait to hear about it.

And I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't get any sleep when my hubby and I have a tense discussion. That sucks. Hope the situation gets resolved and you have a good night sleep tonight. :-)

9:32 PM  

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