1.13.2006

In other news

If you happened to receive a message from me in which I sounded vacant and maybe a little, um, falsely bright, ending the call with something along the lines of "...and all that good stuff," you should know about a little distraction in the form of a man in the truck ahead of me, eating a sandwich while simultaneously picking his nose. So that strange tone in my voice was actually Incredulous and Disgusted battling it out, while attempting to keep my car from veering up onto the curb or into some flowering shrubs.

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Moving on, a quick note to the jackass in the minivan on Preston Road during the lunch rush today:


Dear Jackass,
Driving ten miles under the speed limit is not acceptable, especially when there are no cars or other impediments to your progress in front of you. I was not the one who impatiently beep-beeped at you (that was the car in the left lane who, I can only imagine, was honking for all humanity! for the love of God!), therefore I did not appreciate your slamming on the Mad Brakes of Vengeance, causing me to stop short and risk colliding with your ugly-mobile, not to mention handing a Very Close Call to the car behind me.


That was me, however, laying on the horn for an obscene amount of time after you played your Scary Tail Lights trick, hooooonking while I pulled around you and caught up to the rest of the world. Just so you know, next time you want to teach someone a lesson, make sure you have the right someone. The only thing stopping you from getting a salsa-bloodied taco salad carcass all over your windshield was a hunger pang. My stomach growled just as I reached into the carryout bag and brought me to my senses. Consider this a warning. My hand was in the bag, man. My hand was in the bag.
-Smooches,
Q

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In other news, I had to scotch tape my skull back together today, after it exploded with the revelation that someone who wrote the following e-mail response takes home about twice my salary:

"I'm embellish with the mogul poppin' ski bunny profile!!!!"

I tried to take it in context with the question that preceded it, but I still can't make heads or gloopalgorp of it.



Edited to add: Heard a rumor it was national de-lurking week. No pressure, people. I personally am being all rebellious-like and have NOT, in fact, de-lurked anywhere, but you all do what you want to do.

1 comment:

Blogger Lisa said...

Wow you MUST have been hungry not to toss your salad at that guy. Course I would have done the less ladylike thing and flipped him off. :-)

12:38 AM  

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