5.26.2006

There she goes a-rambling

[edited to remove most work-related commentary. And there was much rejoicing.]
* * *

Meanwhile, the headless chicken dance at work is coming to an end. By some orbit-altering stroke of luck, I've managed to meet nearly all of the office-closing-early, need-it-by-Friday deadlines, and may not end up staying later than necessary. What a nice change that will be.

* * *

Leaving on time this afternoon will be a particularly groovy occurrence since I managed to harass my way into the massage school administrator's schedule today, in order to get my fourth and final practical evaluation out of the way. I guess the fourth evaluation is when the students prove to the administrator that they will be able to bring money into the school during internship. We'll see what I prove today. As long as it's not something like I'm a Big Doof With Sharp Elbows Who Tends to Fall on Top of the Greased Up Client Mid-Session, I'll do okay. Wish me luck, folks.

* * *

So anyway, lack of time, going out of town, internship around the corner. I haven't had a whole lot of chances to get online lately. However, jumping on for a few seconds here and there is enough time to notice the truly terrible dating page advertisements on MSN and Hotmail. I always think personal ad wording is a bit sad anyway, since by now we all know what the person's really selling. I know I'm not the only one who reads "voluptuous" as "overweight," "intellectual" as "nerdy" or "lacks social skills," etc.

[Here's where I clarify that I am not calling the people in the personal ads sad, just the transparent "code words" that seem to appear quite frequently.]

[Seriously. However you meet your significant other is cool.]

[Okay, some of the people in the personal ads do seem a little loser-ish.]

[But not the guy you met through match.com or eHarmony or whatever it's called. He's a rockstar. Really.]

So Hotmail and MSN show little personal ad blurbs on their home pages, you know, to draw you over to the matchmaking site. I think it would be a good idea to have someone helping these dateless people with their ads like the services that help with resumes. Or perhaps the Hotmail or MSN staffer picking the Single-of-the-Moment is just making bad choices. I have some examples from this week's pages, to prove my point. On Hotmail, there's a quick blurb from a female single:
"I’m a handful!" (read: "I'm a high-maintenance pain in the ass!")

The next one I saw from a male:
"He’s single and likes it. Is that okay?" (Dear sir: Grow a set. Why are you asking for approval? Also, why are you on a dating website if you like being single so much? Oh. Never mind.)

On MSN, it gets more fun because they offer a grab-ya line, and then the person gives more details:
I like pizza
"I’m not afraid of food fights..." (Is this supposed to be sexy? Or more like "I'm really a 12 year old?")

and also:
I’m very mysterious
"I’m your friendly neighborhood… man.” (What's with the hesitation? And also? I'm pretty sure you were supposed to register with the city before you moved into my neighborhood.)

So anyway. If they're just going to let anyone advertise on their dating pages, they should at least give the spotlight over to someone who can be simple and direct with what they're like or what they're looking for, no? If any men out there need a little help writing your blurb, I've come up with a highly effective one that you may borrow at any time (and spread the word, I may have to start charging for these pearls):

I enjoy picnics
"You bring the grub, I'll bring the chub."

2 comment:

Blogger Lisa said...

Wishing you luck! And you made me last with decoding the meanings of these lines...

5:54 PM  
Anonymous Pickle said...

You are killing me. Funniest post ever.

3:52 PM  

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