Too much information

My new assistant wants us to be friends. I want her to get back to work. I'm not sure how she still finds time for bonding with all the projects I've given her, but she does seem to have carved out a few minutes here and there throughout the day to share her life with me. It's not that I dislike her- heck, I barely know her (although, as I said, she's working very hard at changing that)- I simply prefer to keep my professional persona separate from my personal one (a.k.a. the real me).

My closed door and business-like attitude has not dissuaded her from reaching out, however. Besides cheerfully fitting in a moment of oversharing into every work-related conversation, she has taken to leaving me voicemail messages about the voicemail messages people have left me, drawling out her greeting, a summary of the call and saying something to the effect of "hope you're having a good day" even though she JUST. SAW ME.

Despite my best attempts at keeping her three arms' distance away from me at all times, I have already learned more than I care to about the woman, including the fact that she and her husband were contemplating separation as recently as two weeks ago, but have agreed to "give it another shot." This is the kind of thing she tosses at me casually, as though assuming I will reflexively reach out and grab the topic before it hits the ground. Most of the time it comes to rest at my feet as I swivel in my chair and return my focus to whatever task is at hand. Every now and then I acknowledge her statements with a "huh," or a blank look, or sometimes both. She hasn't been deterred.

Now she is attacking me with smiley-faced accusations like "have you noticed how much weight I've lost already?" or "you can't tell I colored my hair?!" as soon as I walk in the door. As much as I'd love to respond with "have you noticed I'm not your boyfriend? I'm not the one to ask about your hair," my work persona prevails.

But people, the forced familiarity is becoming even more unsettling. Yesterday morning, as I was driving the last ten minutes to the office, my assistant called my cell phone and said "I'm calling in sick." To which I replied "Really." Long pause, then she gaily guffawed "I'm just kidding! I just wanted to call and say hi!!!"

1 comment:

Blogger Lisa said...

Well... She sounds a bit fruity but its better than the employees I had at a business years ago. They were both incredibly lazy. One would go completely psychotic and leave me nasty notes around her period. The other would tell prospective clients to not even bother with coming in because she was SURE that the business was in trouble and was going under. (It wasn't until she started THAT shit!) This same one liked to tell the clients I DID HAVE that my marriage was crumbling and that I had a drug problem. Um hello. The only "drug" I took was a multivitamin. She would tell people who she didn't get paid that week, when all along she'd be begging me for advances on her checks. (She got them. That's why she didn't get paid when she was supposed to... There wasn't anything left!)

So yes she sounds irritating but believe me, it could be worse...

5:28 PM  

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