There's an easy title in here somewhere

Last night I had two 90 minute massages back to back, like some kind of super massage rockstar. (What??)

Switching out the sheets in the 5 minutes between appointments was like a whirlwind costume change during a fast-paced Broadway show. (Or something like that.)

Whatever, people, it was hectic, is my point. You spend 9 hours straight plotting to kill your boss and then take on a physically demanding 3 hour evening without time to sit and catch your breath and you’d be slinging half-assed similes, too.

One of my clients was huge- I mean built like a tree. Rather, built like a tree that has its own gym and regularly bench presses cars before the first sip of coffee. But there was something endearing about this giant Redwood of a man softly telling me where he was hurting and how bewildered he was about it: “Maybe it was because I slept so good last night you know how when you sleep REALLY good and you wake up and you’re just like ‘urrrghhh’ and something hurts? I mean, I was fine at first I woke up ate a bowl of Frosted Flakes* and ran some errands and then later on it was like whoa, it hurts to breathe…”

(*Something adorable about such a Big Boy nonchalantly including breakfast details in his verbal account of the day… My Giant eats Frosted Flakes! Squeeee!)

Anyway. He went on to tell me his theory regarding men and massage (get your minds out of the gutter): no matter how uncomfortable they are, they will never tell the massage therapist he/she is using too much pressure. They’re so hell bent on proving they “can handle it” that, when asked if the pressure is too hard, they’ll lie and say it’s fine even if it’s hurting them. As much as I hate to generalize, there may be something to his theory, since I can only think of one male client so far who has copped to preferring less pressure.

---My public service announcement to anyone stumbling across this page: You pay a lot of money for a service that should feel good and benefit your well-being. If it hurts, that’s not helping you (unless we’re practicing Deep Tissue), so speak up, dammit. But also? Don’t ask the massage therapist (as Giant Client did) to punch you where it hurts. That’s not really a massage technique. And as tempting as it might be, I will not be persuaded.---

Having delivered his editorial on men and pain/pressure, the talking tree thought for a minute, then said “But you can go as hard as you need to with me, you won’t hurt me.”

So I did. And I did.

He confirmed this later on, marveling at my strength (FEAR ME, YOU MERE MORTALS WITH MUSCLE TENSION AND OCCASIONALLY SMELLY FEET). I told him I would have asked him about the pressure, but I figured he’d lie. He chuckled and replied “yeah, I probably would have.”

Now I’m wondering what his reaction would have been had I just gone ahead and punched him.

2 comment:

Blogger Lisa said...

Heeehee. SHould have punched him.

Sounds like a guy I dated for 4 years!

5:06 PM  
Blogger Nervous Girl said...

Too funny. I'm really enjoying your stories!

12:57 PM  

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