8.01.2006

Tales of great bravery, injury and guilt

Hi. I had a whole entry ready to post yesterday and then my computer and Blogger got together and had a feast. As in, my post was eaten. Lost in space. You’ll just have to take my word for it: It was pure brilliance. Every last word. Here’s a sloppy second/lazy recreation of the post that should have appeared on Monday:

Yesterday [Sunday] I raced from a massage appointment to join the family at the local waterpark. Good thing, too, as Texas has been showing off with long stretches of temperatures in the triple digits lately.


(I’d give a big recap of the family visit, complete with whining about juggling parents, work and massage stuff, but hoo boy, I just got it all out of my mind, and am not feeling very Bring-the-Pain right now.)

(Except, can I just mention that no one plays the martyr card with such frequency and flourish as my parents? No one. IF YOU’RE UNCOMFORTABLE THEN SWITCH CHAIRS, DAMMIT, DON’T JUST COMPLAIN AND SIGH AND LET EVERYONE KNOW HOW UTTERLY MISERABLE YOU WILL BE FOR THE NEXT THREE HOURS, THEREBY PREVENTING THE REST OF US FROM PROPERLY ENJOYING THE MOVIE, BUT OH RIGHT – SIGH – YOU’LL BE – SIGH - FINE.)

(And here comes the guilt shaming me for thinking these thoughts and throwing them in the direction of my parents: These are your parents! And they’ll be Old People soon! And then they’ll die! And then how will you feel?!)

(But seriously, if you’re uncomfortable, just SWITCH CHAIRS, FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS!)

Ahem. Yesterday was awesome. Never have you seen such a thrilling show of courage and enthusiasm. After ditching the car in a No Parking zone, and paying the overpriced entry fee, I could have sworn I had stepped into a Hawaiian paradise.

If Hawaii went commercial and crowded, that is.

Honolulu, then.

Monk greeted me at the entrance and persuaded me to start off with the yellow slides of doom. On the long march up to the top of the slide we were entertained by the pre-pubescent boy in front of us, going on and on (and on!) about the (steeper, scarier) slide nearest us being the only option. Only wimps went on the other (less steep, snooze-inducing?) slide. Feeling the sting of such peer pressure (say what you will, but I am no wimp, have you seen my guns?) (No? Me neither, lately. Must get back to the gym), I hesitantly waited my turn for the yellow death slide. And then watched that same loud-mouthed brat walk over to the wimps’ slide and cheerily push off. Too late to change my mind, I shoved myself over the edge, shot down the slide, was promptly skinned alive by the seams in the plastic, and about 5 seconds later I was coasting along at the bottom, marveling at the way my swimsuit had been shoved up my ass and into my throat.
Having survived the initiation with my dignity gathered up and taped back together, Monk and I proceeded to flick Fear in the forehead from a two-seater inner tube atop the park’s "half pipe." I thought it was cute that the lifeguard at the top was harnessed to the railing. Mid-descent, I experienced the warm glow of a “huh so this it, this how I’m going to go” moment. And because being scared out of my mind just once in a day is unacceptable, I later went for seconds with my brother. He made me ride in front that time, which made me scream like a little girl, which made him a little bit deaf.
At the end of the day we decided to try out a classic tube slide, again with the inflatables-built-for-two. This time my traveling companion was my father, who thought it would be fun to team up with Humility and do the very thing I requested NOT be done- lean into the turns so we experienced close calls in the form of almost-capsizing at every twist of the tube. And because that was clearly not enough torture, he managed to thunk me in the temple with his knee cap towards the end of the ride, nearly knocking me out, thoroughly knocking me off my high horse.
And that concluded a day of grand displays of bravery and skill. I slept very well last night, although that could be attributed to the concussion, or to the mental exhaustion that springs from trying to read the minds of my mother and sister all afternoon because HEAVEN FORBID THEY EVER EXPRESS AN OPINION. ANY! OPINION! WILL DO!

(Guilt rounds the corner again: These are your parents! And they’ll be Old People soon! And then they’ll die! And then how will you feel?!)

1 comment:

Blogger Lisa said...

THey sound like my parents! :-)

6:01 PM  

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