Correction: We have many, many problems.

Monk woke me up at 5:15 yesterday morning: “We have a problem.”

Long story short (I know, how out of character for me), our new water heater is being installed as I type. And because our house, a.k.a. The Money Pit is a piece of crap wrapped up like Christmas morning, there were all kinds of adjustments and extra equipment and consequently additional chunky charges to get us up to code. Of course when the garage flooded, the room that sits in front of it was thoroughly soaked (I hadn't thought we needed further motivation to replace our carpet), but the good news was finding, behind the old water heater, another previously unnoticed point of entry for our rodent friends. And by friends, I mean Impudent Bastards That Have Gone Too Far This Time: Last night, as I was sitting outside enjoying the Tornado Watch conditions, a big fat mus musculus (I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a rattus norvegicus, as I would have promptly passed out right there on the patio stones) scurried along the top of our fence to the edge of the garage, paused to stare me boldly in the face (as I weakly stepped towards it, in an impotent attempt at defending the castle), then gleefully scampered into a crack in the wall that no doubt leads to a trendy rodent nightclub in our attic. But right before the gleeful scampering, I swear that little fucker gave me the finger.

So, it’s on (again). This time, no more half-hearted glue traps tucked sporadically around the house. The Great Rodent Massacre begins tonight. Monk’s assignment is to scatter some sort of dehydrating rat poison all over our attic this evening; mine is to stand at a safe distance, wincing in anticipation of any scuttling or scurrying. Then we will board up the garage wall and other potentially weak areas of the fort. In a few weeks we can dance on up to the attic and blow away the ashes of all the mouse carcasses like we’re wishing on dandelion puffs.

It makes more legal sense than simply torching the place, which was my first choice.

1 comment:

Blogger Lisa said...

Great plan. But a head's up -- dead mice start to STINK and will stink for awhile. I hope you are able to find the bodies... Because when you can't. Ekkk!

Good luck.

6:18 PM  

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