10.07.2006

Learning about carpet and also that I'm easy

So, bet you didn't know that new carpet can shed for up to 120 days after installation. Neither did we. And there's a good chance that the Empire rep was lying through his teeth just to get me off the phone, promising they'd "absolutely fix it" if it didn't stop by the 121st day (I also have a sneaking suspicion that the fine print of the contract grants us an after-install warranty for... oh, exactly 120 days). We'll see, I guess. In the meantime, should you ever come over to my house and want to lay down on the carpet for a while (as I'm sure all houseguests do, but I can't really remember that far back to when we actually had friends that wanted to come over), just know that you may head down to the ground in a black t-shirt or red pants for example, but you'll be coming up beige. And fuzzy. Which, let's face it, if you ARE wearing red pants, might be an improvement.

Two evenings ago as I bid goodnight to my one massage appointment, I ran into one of my former teachers and was persuaded to come back to the classroom to be a practice dummy for a student. The massage was... not too bad overall, except for the part where the student leaned in and swallowed the top of my head with her belly (although I think this was unavoidable, as the student was a bit... bulky), pressed her crotch up to the face cradle, and everything went urine-smelly for a minute. Wow. I should have warned you I'd be getting disgusting with that sentence, and quickly.

So. Personal hygiene. Something to think about.

The teacher mentioned she'd be bringing someone in to be a demo dummy for a full body massage on Monday, but she hadn't found that someone just yet. I took a deep, calm breath, then yelled up from the massage table "I'll do it! What time do you need me to show up?! For REALS?!!!" Just wanted to be sure she knew I'd be okay with helping out, you know, if she really needed me.

I'll get a free full body massage from a damn good massage therapist Monday night, and all I have to do is take off my clothes and let a roomful of people watch for an hour. Am such a whore.


I have to say, however, that after a weekend of family fun plus hosting a baby shower (that has grown so big and so out of my control, so quickly), I'll be naked before the teacher can say "here we go." Hell, I'll probably show up an hour early, waiting like a vulture for the class to start. Draped in the sheet. Having applied the oil myself. Just to save us all some time.

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