STATUS: I just don't know

I’d love to tell you that I passed the practical exam with flying colors. I’d love to, but I can’t. You see, I botched one part of the demonstration and re-demonstrated it (not sure we were allowed a do-over) after everything else had been completed, which might have been no big deal, or it might have been a big enough deal to merit a failing score. Obviously I did not walk out of there as confident in my success as I had hoped I would be. Unfortunately, the results aren’t posted until at least 9 days after the exam date. This means I get to spend the next week or so stuck in the quiet little hell we call Limbo.

Monk and I at least scored an overnight stay and room service at a nice hotel in Austin, in any case. And by "scored," I mean "paid for, in full." We didn’t get too wild the night before the exam, however, since we hit the road from Dallas about 2 hours later than planned, and arrived in Austin close to 11 p.m.

Why, you ask? Because plans are for idiots, apparently. Friday morning I woke up cheerfully to a Day Off stuffed to the gills with Things to Do (but remember how things don’t go the way we plan?). Friday's To Do List:

1) Bring car in for a vehicle inspection so as not to get pulled over again because Texas kind of sucks sometimes.
STATUS: You know what else sucks? Failing said vehicle inspection because the tires are so worn the car doesn’t even make it through the Safety portion of the vehicle inspection, and since the ’06 inspection sticker expires in about a week, I guess we should SEE TASK # 2.5b

2) Wait for countertop installer people to show up with shiny new laminate wonderfulness.
STATUS: Oh, guess what? The countertop people are completely different from the plumber that will show up sometime later today (much later, by the way) to make sure you can actually use the new sink, faucet and garbage disposal, so I guess we’ll SEE TASK # 2.5a but meanwhile, look how pretty your new countertop is!

(Also: I don’t really want to talk about what the countertop people found AND THEN SHOWED ME when they moved the oven away from the wall. There may or may not have been something the pest control people put under there over a year ago. And there may or may not have been four semi-decomposed/semi-preserved... somethings on it. I may or may not have been able to get that number by counting their petrified and blackened little tails. I may or may not have shrieked and melted a little, a la the Wicked Witch of the West, when I saw it. And I may or may not have nearly passed out when I had to make my trembly hands work to get it all into a bag and out to the trash. The countertop people may or may not have laughed their not-in-my-job-description asses off at me. I’d write more, but my fingers are shaking too much to keep typing. Give me a minute.)

2.5a) Call plumber, get ETA.
STATUS: Find out we are not next on the list for the plumber. He should be on his way to us in oh, about 3 hours.

2.5b) Get new tires for car because ohmygod who knew our tires were this bad and what if something had happened on our way to Austin? Not that I’m worried about someone getting hurt, more like what a pain in the ass it would be to have to get to the spare tire in the trunk since the massage table will be wedged in back there.
STATUS: Nothing like showing up at the tire place, still grossly not-showered, planning to spend an incognito hour there before getting on with your day, and running into your brother-in-law... then finding out how much the tire people oversimplify when they tell you one-hour-to-new-tires, and therefore being forced to engage in awkward conversation for two hours with someone you usually feel like smacking.

3) Shower (an hour ago).

4) Go to the only place within 10 miles of us (apparently) that replaces hot tubs and their enclosures to get a quote regarding the safety hazard (formerly known as a "spa") in our backyard.
STATUS: Nope, not since the plumber will now be at the house in 30 minutes and I'm just now leaving the tire place. Good idea, though, since here in the South businesses don’t like to be open past 5 p.m. on weeknights and not at all on the weekends. I guess we’ll look into this again sometime next year when I can take another Personal Day.

5) Take Boomba to the vet (must keep this appointment, have rescheduled twice).
STATUS: Turns out Monk’s leaving his office early and will take care of this, since the plumber will most likely be at the house at this point, which is great because then we’ll still be able to hit the road kind of on time. Hmmm... Plumber will be here soon, but maybe we have time to revisit #3.

3 revisited) Shower.
STATUS: 5 minutes of bliss. Wait, did I use any soap? Oh, fuck it.

2.5a revisited) Plumber here.
STATUS: Where's the goddamned plumber?! Shows up 90 minutes later than the ETA. About 30 minutes before we plan to hit the road for Austin. Spends 2 hours at the house to hook up what we thought was a relatively simple sink setup. Turns out, NASA could use our plumbing design to forever stump the Russians.

(Wait, what?)

Plumber spends two hours at the house, sweating and breathing as though at any minute he’s going to have a heart attack AND DUDE, THAT IS NOT ON THE TO DO LIST. Monk and I keep popping back in, as though we can be of any help, which is awesome because IF WE KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT PLUMBING THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN TAKEN CARE OF HOURS AGO. Finally it seems like the plumber’s finished. He starts messing with the garbage disposal. Garbage disposal seems fine. Messes with it again. Garbage disposal starts making horribly loud grinding noises and the sink is shaking, counter's vibrating. Messes with it again. Better now. Plumber says “huh, I wonder why it did that.” Monk and I go outside so we can yell YOU’RE THE PLUMBER YOU SHOULD NOT BE WONDERING WHY IT DID THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON. Plumber finally leaves. Hopefully to go learn more about plumbing.

6) Leave for Austin.
STATUS: As I said, two hours later than planned. Rand McNally directions are terrible, of course we haven’t brought a map, and why wouldn’t there be a mess of construction when we are so close to the exit we can almost taste the beer we bought when we stopped for directions earlier and jesuschristarewethereyet and how strict do you think Austin really is about that open container thing?

So you see, I wasn’t in the most… peaceful frame of mind for the exam. I may have to head back to Austin in a few weeks to take the exam again. And I keep telling myself that I’ll be okay with that. I’m putting my career change daydreams on hold for now, as well as my plans for networking, the new business telephone number, business cards and gift certificates. Because I just have this feeling that Going According to Plan isn’t the best way to describe my life right now.

1 comment:

Blogger Lisa said...

Yup, This kind of stuff is why I spend most of my life in "reactive" mode.

Maybe you did wonderfully on the exam but just don't know it? Hope this week is a better one for you.

7:44 PM  

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