January's killing me, but we'll talk about that later

So. Deep Tissue is interesting. The Head & Neck section is almost over, and you should all take the following message to heart: Please tip your massage therapist as he probably knows how to kill you.

We also know how to hurt you, make you nauseous, make you pass out, make your sinuses clear up, and make your headache go away. I’m guessing the last two will be the massage effects I will advertise.

Each evening we enter the classroom and have to pair up with someone new. Seems like a decent group of LMTs so far (that’s “Licensed Massage Therapists” to you civilians), except for the guy that brags about being a player and makes lasciviously-intended comments to every female in the class, at every opportunity. Nothing specific or clever, mind you. Most of the remarks are along the lines of “you get up here, girrrrl, you know you want to” with a wink and a tongue click; one wonders if he’s ever actually scored with this ghettofied Benny Hill routine.

There’s also a somewhat freaky woman who I thought was hitting on me, until I realized that she’s just one of those people who will hug and stroke and smooch and climb on top of and straddle (as they lie on the massage table) anyone. Still, when the time came last night to put on our rubber gloves (streeeetch... SNAP!!!) and stick our fingers in our partner’s mouth, I was quite happy to be paired up with someone on the other side of the room.

In conclusion, some thoughts from the first few classes:
1) So, good thing we weren’t given a syllabus or ever told what reading we should be doing outside of class, or what to bring each evening, or anything, really, to prepare us for this course. This will surely help me work on my control freak issues.

2) Hmmm. I’ve never had someone relieve a headache and then give it back to me at twice the intensity in a 10-minute period.

3) Too much! Too much! Why aren’t these moves in the class handouts? Why isn’t someone recording all of this?!

4) Okay, I definitely need to work on my memory retention.

5) Oh good, I wasn’t the only one feeling overwhelmed (as evidenced by the 3 video cameras and the digital voice recorder that appeared the next evening).

6) I may also need to work on my trust issues (crossed my mind as my partner batted my trachea around).

Next week we start on the shoulder. If the beatings inflicted on my face, neck and mouth are any indication of the good times to come... Wish me luck.

2 comment:

Anonymous skyhawk said...

I've never imagined a form of massage that requires you to stick your fingers in another person's mouth... isn't that what Dental School is for?

Oh, and gotta love "ghettofied Benny Hill routine." Does that mean scantily clad women and Bristish bobbies chase him around the room at 2x speed, to the sounds of Tupac?

2:59 PM  
Blogger Kelley said...

Yeah, what's up with the finger-in-mouth thing? I'm very curious.

And "ghettofied Benny Hill routine" was the best thing I've read all morning.

10:46 AM  

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