2.08.2007

Define "eustress"

Men: Do you think you’re good in bed?

I assume most of you answered “yeah, I think I’m good in bed.” Some of you had more of an ellipsis instead of a comma in there, but still. One of you answered “fuck if I know,” and two of you just thought “who cares?” Oh, and possibly three of you are all “what is this ‘sex’ that you speak of?” and some woman just yelled “hell, they all THINK they’re good in bed!” and all the other women just laughed really hard.

Except that one woman in the corner who really hates generalizations as a rule and gender stereotypes in particular and was just told she must be into interior decorating “because you’re a lady” so kind of has a chip on her shoulder and a bad taste in her mouth but she’s kind of annoying anyway so everyone’s ignoring her.

Anyway. Just wondering.

(Or maybe this morning I started one of the four books I’ve been writing in my head for the last 5 years and this issue came up –no pun intended- and has since been running around and around in my mind like a mouse getting chased by a broom in a very small, confined space, all Tom-and-Jerry-like.)

(I’m not really going anywhere with this, which is coincidentally how these writing projects usually play out, if the two unfinished screenplays -call me Schubert!- are any indication.)

(And call me if you get the Schubert reference.)

(I have recently been reunited with my two old loves: Vague ideas and run-on sentences.)

(And parentheses!)

(But yay for a new project! With class and work and big home improvement plans, this is clearly the best time for it!)

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Per the doctor’s suggestion Monday, I was treated to a tetanus shot. This resulted in my arm feeling bruised and achy for a few days. What made the whole bruised and achy thing even better was going to my Deep Tissue class Monday and Tuesday nights and having my arm brutalized over and over.

I also felt achy and flu-ish all over which concerned me, so of course I looked up “Tetanus Shot Side Effects” online (because I never learn!) and check it out:

“Such reactions include crying for three hours or more”
'Laughing uncontrollably' was not listed, however I believe that was a more a side effect of someone in class saying "if you use the right amount of lube, you can go in even deeper..."

Also (back to the side effects, perverts):
“More serious adverse reactions include the rare cases of anaphylaxis (an allergic reaction involving difficulty in breathing or swallowing and facial swelling that can be fatal) and possibly Guillain-Barré syndrome, a nerve inflammation. People who have had a severe reaction to the vaccine should not receive further doses.”
Well no shit, Sherlock.

But I think I’m in the clear. Tomorrow is my cardiologist appointment. True to the irony of life, my heart flutters have gone into hiding. Perhaps I can skip the consultation altogether? Although I kind of like the idea of carrying around my little machine, telling the boss that I have to wear it at all times to measure my stress levels, then pushing the button over and over frantically every time she talks to me.

So. The cardiologist tomorrow. I really hope he doesn’t give me a stress test. Or, if he does, maybe it will only involve someone jumping out from behind the door and yelling BOO! at me. That would be okay. Not Okay would be if the stress test involved a treadmill. Because the only thing worse than having to run on command would be having someone watch me while I run on command. This is also the main reason I never joined the army.

Wait, I just thought of something worse than being watched while I run: Being watched while I run... in that horrible paper gown.

Crap.

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