Randomly yours

So you know how I took this chair massage job that starts tomorrow? I didn't mention that I hung up the phone after accepting the job and said "well crap, I'd better get online and buy a massage chair!" Against my better judgment I gambled with the shipping method (since 2-Day Air would have been about $100) and... It hasn't arrived yet, people. We have less than four hours before I go into full panic mode.


I sent an email to someone several weeks ago and have not had a response. This means a) something in my email was so utterly offensive that No Response is the only response or b) my friend is dead. Or perhaps c) my sense of time lately is so effed up that it hasn't, in fact, been several weeks but instead just a couple of days and I need to settle down already.

(Although I'm pretty sure it has been several weeks. And, in my not-so-humble opinion, it was a perfectly nice email with decent Response Potential.)


Monk came down with something this week that has my germophobic tendencies screaming and gnashing their teeth. I've Cloroxed the doorknobs and the t.v. remote, wouldn't let him prepare our dinner last night, and have been frantically waving away at the air when we're within two feet of each other. Heaven forbid he be allowed to breathe freely in his own home. Yes sir, I certainly know how to make a guy feel special.

(I'm also being the asshole who keeps saying "I'm sorry, but I just cannot afford to get sick right now." Like anyone can ever "afford" to get sick. As though anyone has ever woken up and thought "you know, today would be a great day to come down with the flu. Screw the To Do list. My coworkers would love to have my workload dumped on them, and hopefully we'll lose some clients, too. Hey, maybe I'll throw some money down the toilet later. Just for fun.")


At class on Tuesday night I astounded my technique partner with the fact that I always have my sheets, lotion, etc. in the car with me. Because I'm prepared to massage at a moment's notice. At the drop of a hat. Right after I leave the office. I think he got the idea. Unfortunately (for him) I went off on some tangent about a massaging superhero, making jokes about changing in phone booths and responding to the Hand Signal shining up in the sky, while my partner was 5 minutes past being finished with our exchange.

(The "at a moment's notice" thing is kind of a lie, anyway, since I leave my table at home all the time. But I can lend you some sheets or lotion at a moment's notice. Just let me know. I'm on it.)

3 comment:

Blogger Becky said...

Not getting sick is overrated. I say you swallow some of his spit and join The Land of the Ailing. I had a cold for two weeks and now I have this digusting stomach bug. And, well, I can't afford ANYTHING, so being sick is just an added benefit. (:

(Did my sarcasm come through okay on that?)

6:27 PM  
Blogger tkkerouac said...

I love the red nikes. It makes me want to go out and buy a pair. Hows the massage job going, come see my massage.

12:41 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

So massage super hero, do you wear a cape too? You know there's probably some guys out there where their sexual fantasy IS a massage therapist in a cape.... Not to creep you out or anything. heehee.

Hope the chair gets here soon!

1:29 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home