3.22.2007

Scattered

I've just set the "snooze" feature on an email reminder to go off again, 1080 minutes from now.

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Q: So I’m thinking of getting back into rock climbing. I’ve scheduled a private climbing lesson for next week, and this weekend I take the preliminary safety course.

Biff: Because you don’t have enough going on as it is?

Q: Why can't you just support me?

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Boomba the black lab has been such a scrounge lately. She’s started taking things off the kitchen table while we’re at work that she thinks might be tasty. The other day it was a container of my (somewhat expensive) massage cream. The dog ate my lotion. You think that excuse might get me out of the technique lesson next week?

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I love my new car so much that I now feel an extreme sense of disappointment when I arrive at my destination. Many times now I’ve actually voiced this dismay to the empty passenger seat (“oh my damn, here we are already.”). Now, the office, I understand that. But a dinner out with friends? Or class? Or the bar? What the hell people, what the hell.

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I’m having an identity crisis. Only it feels like I’m finally waking up after a 5-year coma. Or just breaking the surface after being stuck underwater. Or (because we cannot have enough analogies here!) like everything that looked just fine (or so I thought) in color on an old 27” t.v. is now rocking (my eyeballs) out (with its cock out) (sorry, couldn’t resist) in HD on a 52” flat screen. I think I should be worried about the implications of this, but I’m not. And that, in itself, is worrying. And yes, I would like a side of cryptic with this blog post, thank you.

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My boss presented me with a box of chocolates she purchased during her European vacation. The gift was given with great glee, and received with grand grace (if I do say so myself). Inside, however, I was yelling “Chocolate don’t pay the bills, yo!”

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Whenever I see "scattered storms" in the forecast I imagine these anthropomorphized storm clouds wandering around in a frenzy, patting their fluffy gray pockets repeatedly and saying things like "where did I put that lightning?" and "I know I had a rain shower a moment ago. Sigh... Honey? Have you seen my rain?" And then the storm spouse is all "Why must I always help you find these weather systems? HOW in the HEAVENS do you cope when I'm not around?! Jesus!"

1 comment:

Anonymous skyhawk said...

If you think "scattered storms" sounds bad, imagine how lonely "isolated storms" are.

3:59 PM  

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