My body is my (old, busted up) temple

You know how you can just be sailing along in life, thinking you’re actually in pretty decent shape, all things considered, slapping high fives with yourself for taking 12 flights of stairs a few times a week and calling it “cardio,” and then you’re at the gym playing contortionist, or hopping up and down and around this step thingy, or slowwwwly lifting your leg up then raaaaising your arms to the sky while clutching little dumbbells, all the while thinking pshaw, this is kid stuff. I am in terrific shape. An athlete, yes, that is what I am. Core, shmore, stability exercises, shmability… you get the point.

And then, an hour later as you step out of the shower and reach for your towel your body kind of hiccups out a FUCK YOU? And you can barely hoist yourself into your car to drive to work? And you start fantasizing about calling in ‘out of shape?’

I’ve joined a gym and signed on with a personal trainer. Pssst, this is because I will eventually be pursuing a personal trainer certification and not only should I see what it's all about firsthand (can I write the sessions off next year as “research?” Anyone?), I’ve heard you kind of have to be in decent shape if you want to have any credibility in the field (I mean, if I really wanted to be out of shape and yell at people as they exercise, I suppose I could get a job as a middle school P.E. teacher). Oh, AND because I do not have enough going on right now, and also we are rich (the last two reasons might be lies. You decide).

Three sessions down, a million to go. Luckily the guy I’m paying to kick my ass (what a world we live in, eh?) really knows his stuff, shares the same hometown, is a pit bull advocate and doesn’t hesitate to shower me with compliments throughout the session. Really, getting up extra extra early to be tortured is a little easier when you know you’re going to be hearing things like “good job! You look great! Excellent form! Perfect, you’re perfect” for an hour. A girl could get used to this.

But, um, ouch. All over.

2 comment:

Anonymous Anonymous said...


Reading that made ME hurt.

I can identify. I got a little too into playing Guitar Hero 2 a few weekends back, and my leg muscles were in absolute agony.

The little, Nintendo-owning kid in me looked at my adult self and said, "Fag."

-- Pickle

8:56 PM  
Blogger Beckalicious said...

I've spent this entire weekend walking around like I have a load in my pants because my legs and ass hurt so much from my Friday afternoon defensive tactics training. I hurt in places I didn't even sure existed.

7:41 PM  

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