Find your inner [slutty] Grinch

I was going to post about a little issue I'm having with Climbsalot's new(ish) bride not liking me, but after a brief discussion with Monk about how awesome I am (I love how delusional that dude is, even after nearly a decade), I realized it makes sense that she doesn't like me and probably won't ever come around. And even though it irks me, I need to cut her a little slack regarding her two-faced behavior when we are all, oh I don't know, sitting around having beers on a Monday night (Quinn tells a story, she barely pays attention, another friend starts talking and it's like a visit from the Pope). Either that or I should flirt with her husband more. Anyone want to vote on which way I will go with this?

Hmmm, crabby much?

I was talking to a friend last night about Halloween plans, and very nearly committed to stopping in at his party, before he let it slip that every year they hold their traditional contest for Sexiest Costume. "Oh my god!" I exclaimed, "and then after all the women have paraded around half naked, do we get to put on a wet t-shirt contest, or roll around in jello, or-" and at that point my eye-rolling became so emphatic and melodramatic that I almost toppled out of my barstool.

I'd go into the standard diatribe here about how every costume these days is a slutty version of its original ("I'm a [slutty] nurse!" or "Check out my [sexy] cat costume!" or "Don't you recognize a [whore-y] sanitation engineer when you see one?!") but it's a tired little ditty, and I'm a tired dame these days, so let's move on. Also, I kind of suspect I would have less of a problem with the whole scene if I only had bigger breasts (wouldn't that have been a great additional character/song in The Wizard of Oz, by the way? "I'd be bold and I'D get noticed, every guy would LOSE his focus, if I only had a rack..." Anywhooo).

I'm going a little Grinch-like on the whole holiday this year, and I'm not sure why. I used to like Halloween, I swear I did. Baby needs a nap.

Hands down, best costume I've ever heard of was worn by an acquaintance last year- she was attempting a play on a classic detective character, but spent the whole evening at a party with the wrong (and therefore cultural-icon-clueless) generation and was deemed "the girl in the inflatable penis" for the night. Now THAT'S what I'm talking about, people. I'd been trying to decide between something from Greek mythology, a biker chick, or something particularly ghoulish (not sure what, exactly, but anytime I can draw stitches and scars on my face I'm happy), but now I'm wondering if she still has that outfit and if it's available to rent.

I know! I'll figure out a way to way to be [SLUTTY] Inflatable Penis Girl! I bet Climbsalot's wife would feel better about him flirting with me in THAT. Or... not.

2 comment:

Anonymous skyhawk said...

I almost fell out of my chair reading this post... classic! And you need to write more WoO lyrics!

4:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For real, I was having this exact rant with some of the women I work with the other night. . . even did an almost verbatim of your "sexy nurse" quote. It has always bugged me how some (many?) women just dress up like male fantasies for Halloween. It's like when you go to a toy store, and see a toy vacuum cleaner with a little girl pushing it on the box. You just think, "Oh NO THEY DI'IN'T!"


2:51 AM  

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