That's how it is, I'll see you later

Alternative title considered for this post: "Cabin Fever." But I didn't want to get your brains stuck playing a Jimmy Buffet song all day. Also, I may have already used that title sometime last year (but am far too lazy today to go back through old posts to verify this).

Reasons I would like to just fuck off to another country for a bit:

*Tax season. Several months of massage income to report, of which every penny was relied on to get us through this transitional period. So, come April, Monk and I are looking at owing a terrifying amount to the good ol' US of A.

*My brother and his co-dependent, aimless ways are slowly but steadily driving me around the bend. The day I get the house back to myself for an afternoon is the day I fall down on my knees and weep great, joyful rivers of tears for this pseudo-parenting, emotionally-draining adventure finally coming to an end. Unfortunately, that day is so far away Monk and I have lost sight of it by now.

*Credit card bills. Don't get me started.

*Business is SLOOOOWWW. As in, non-existent, as far as the self-employed bit goes. Chair massage jobs are still trickling in, but still there have been far too many staring-at-the-wall, run-a-lot-of-personal-errand moments in the past few weeks. Probably thanks to the holiday scarring of wallets and that silly tax season thing. With little promise of significant money coming in anytime soon I'm starting to wonder if now would be a good time to take off for a while.

*The house. With the housing market in the toilet we decided to go ahead with a bathroom expansion (our "master bath" being the size of a shoebox, with a tiny shower we are unable to use thanks to a plumbing mishap last year), to make our immediate lives less hellish and perhaps increase the odds of actually selling this crapbag in the next year or so. Unfortunately, renovations cost money. Which we don't have. So we continue to enjoy sharing shower facilities with my brother, who has an eerie sense of timing and will decide to take one about 2 minutes before I can I get in there. Even minor repairs like fixing up all the other bits and pieces of this money pit are not feasible at the moment. Am I the only one who regularly fantasizes about simply taking a match to the place and walking away?

Not that I would leave Monk to deal with my brother or the dogs or what-have-you, not really, I swear (although I admit the thought of running out the door screaming "so long, suckers!" HAS crossed my mind once or twice) but I find myself visiting volunteer websites more and more frequently lately, trying to figure out if a two-week stint building houses in Guatemala or teaching English in Costa Rica might be on the agenda in the next few months. Unfortunately, you have to pay to volunteer, and $2500 is money that can't be found in the proverbial couch cushions right now. Sigh.

So, I'm stuck. Mentally climbing the walls. And stressed. And probably bumming you all out right about now so I'll just take my Debbie Downer ass out of here and come back when things are looking up, whenever that may be.

1 comment:

Blogger Lisa said...

I am so sorry you are going through all of this.

"Am I the only one who regularly fantasizes about simply taking a match to the place and walking away?" No you aren't. That's EXACTLY how I felt about our last house too! I hated that shithole.

I hope business picks up soon. As for your brother... I hope he realizes how lucky he is to have you as his sister. Most people (like me) wouldn't have had that much patience.

The silver lining? Raising your own children someday(if you choose to do so) will seem like a piece of cake compared to your experience with you brother.

4:47 PM  

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